How to Deal with Failure

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SUMMARY

Who would wish to talk about past failures when you are a top-notcher?

Angelica Jao has been candid about one failed subject - how she felt upon getting her failing grade, fighting the fear of future failures, her own learning from that failure.

Angelica landed in the top 3 of the chemical engineer licensure examination conducted in May 2022. She graduated from the University of the Philippines (mentioned in the video as UP) in 2020 with the degree of BS Chemical Engineering cum laude. She is an alumnae of the Philippine Science High School (mentioned as PISAY). These are her tips for dealing with failure:

1. Think that failure does not define you. You are not going to fail forever. Neither does failure lessen your dignity as a person.

2. Use failure as a motivation to know what you can improve on.

3. Ask for help. 

4. Grab every opportunity to get back up.

5. Be thankful that you failed, as it really happens.

6. Think of other people who are not as privileged as you are. 

7. When you fail, then you can say you've been there and it was not as bad as you thought it was. 

INSPIRATIONAL QUOTES

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Today we have as our guest Angelica Jao who graduated cum laude from the University of the Philippines and she landed in the top three of the chemical engineering licensure examination.

Avic: Welcome angelica

Angelica: Hello Dr Avic, thank you for having me.

Avic: Okay of course and as the people might have remembered last Sunday you were not able to come in because of the internet. But I think it really happens. So how's the weather there in bicol?

Angelica: A while ago it was raining but now it's clear.

Avic: Tell me what happened on that day that you received the news, that you landed in the top three

Angelica: So on that day actually PRC announced that they are targeting to release the results on that day. I was speaking just to my friend just trying to console each other because we're all pretty nervous about what the results could be. Around 5 p.m I actually had my circle. I was scheduled to have my circle at 5 pm that day but it was delayed for 15 minutes. When I checked my phone, I found that the results were already out at exactly 5 pm. So I just searched my name and my friend's name. And when I found out that UP had a 100 passing rate I was already very happy. I called my mom then I just prepared for the circle. But right before the circle started I saw some people chatting me that saying their congratulations and one of my thesis mates told me that I was top 3. So I was pretty shocked but I had to hold on to the emotions because I was having my circle. And then after that after the circle ended I told my mom and said thank you to all my friends who congratulated me.

Avic: Why did you take chemical engineering?

Angelica: I took chemical engineering because it's such a diverse course. Actually in UP we don't really have a bachelor in environmental engineering but there are master programs for that. The reason why I took it just because it's so diverse. It involves a lot of the process that we see around us in pharmaceuticals, in consumer goods, in the oil industry, or even in waste management.

 Avic: Did you recall the first time you wanted to become a chemical engineer?

Angelica: When I was little I never really imagined myself to be an engineer. I wanted to be a lawyer but when I went to high school, I went to Philippine Science High School. I have a contract to take science and engineering in college so that's when I started to have an affinity with math and chemistry. That's why I took chemical engineering.

Avic: What are the most difficult subjects in chemical engineering?
Angelica: Probably the majors. When I went to college I realized that chemical engineering isn't about math and chemistry. It's actually more about chemical engineering as a subject itself. We do have topics on thermodynamics, in transport phenomena.

 Avic: How did you tackle those difficult subjects?

Angelica: For me I just felt that I wouldn't have been able to do it on my own like it's important as well to study with the people around you, to continuously ask other your classmates for help, to ask your professors for help.  I guess what really helped was developing a good study habit that doesn't have to be very intense. It can be trying to divide your time and focusing on building small habits that you continuously and perseveringly stick to each day.

Avic: It’s good that you mentioned the small habits because I’m very interested in that. What are those small habits?

Angelica: I guess the feeling that you get when you are faced with such just a large goal is the feeling of getting overwhelmed. So even just doing your task for five minutes for me is extremely helpful. Sometimes it just takes five minutes to help you build up a momentum that you can carry on for the rest of your day. In college we have a lot of breaks so even with just a one hour break I try to fit whatever tasks that I can in that small window. And I guess it's so much more helpful when I was reviewing for the boards because we had a lot of time to prepare for the boards ideally. There were times that I was working so I really had to make do with the time that I had.

Avic: When you said that you were reviewing taking advantage of the breaks, are you talking about lunch breaks?

Angelica: Well in college, our schedule is a bit different. Sometimes we have lunch break, sometimes you just have time in between classes. So yeah taking advantage of breaks when I was reviewing for the boards like waking up earlier than my time to go to work, or taking advantage of the lunch breaks.

Avic: You must have a great talent for concentration. How do you manage to really concentrate with the little breaks.

Angelica: I’m not perfect. Of course I do get distracted a lot. But for me my problem was just beginning. It's hard to start so I take advantage of just five minutes of simply trying to solve like two problems and then I'll see what happens after that. I just find myself after five minutes that I can still tackle like another 30 minutes and then it just goes on and on. So those small things just add up.

Avic: How did you get to have that kind of concentration.

Angelica:   Because of the pandemic, I don't really have time to meet people. I can't really meet my classmates or ask them for help. So with concentration, I know some people like to work in a coffee shop or like to work in a place where there's background music. I am someone who sometimes change it up- sometimes I just go to a coffee shop, sometimes I just stay at home. I limit the distractions around me, like leaving my phone far away because it takes more energy to keep yourself from picking up your phone. Just removing the distraction will help you conserve your energy and more focused on studying.

Avic:  Did you say you left your phone somewhere in a sense that it won't distract you? But you were also saying that you could ask your friends. So how was the struggle in asking friends or really just don't mind the phone this time?

Angelica: Well now it's a bit different like sometimes we can go now to Discord. There are sites where you can study with your friend,  just so there's accountability, a sense of commitment knowing that there is another person who can see you.

Avic: How's your day when it came to concentrating in the board exam review?

Angelica: I did enroll in a review center because I knew that I would have a difficult time managing my own time when I was still working so I enrolled there. And in the morning we'd get lectures which were usually 4 hours. Sometimes we have another lecture in the afternoon. So in the morning I’d wake up I’d attend the lectures. I had a lot of backlogs because again I was working so I just tried to catch up on the lectures that I missed. And then I just practiced all them as much as I could with the exercises given by the review center.

Avic: When you said that you have backlogs, was there a point before the exam that you really finished everything?

Angelica: I was able to finish but I think with the board exam there's a tendency to be so extremely perfectionist. For example, in math you really want to perfect it but that's not really practical. It's better to focus on the basics. I just did my best to let it go of those perfectionist tendencies and try to cover each topic with the basic concepts as much as I can. And then when I have time in the end that's when I  try harder problems or harder questions.

Avic: What is your tip as to covering all the subjects?

Angelica: With the board exam, you have to know the rubrics, which topics are most prominent based on previous board exams. You can't cover everything, it's just impossible to cover everything. Some review centers already have a set schedule and they also give tips on which topics are most common. There's this thing called the Pareto rule, right? it's the 80-20 rule and sometimes it only requires 20 percent of your input to get 80 percent of the output. So just focusing on the major subjects and mastering the basics really work because the board exams don't really give extremely complicated problems. Usually that's just small number. Most of them are just basic concepts.

Avic: What teaching styles helped you to really have a strong foundation in your course?

Angelica: There are professors who really give handouts because the primary skill that you have to master is really practicing solving. Just keep on practicing every day and then you'll just find yourself having that habit of solving, having your own style of solving. There are some teachers who really give a lot of handouts, a lot of practice problems that are really helpful in reviewing for the exams.

 Avic: Tell us the schedule of the board exam.

Angelica: It's a three-day exam. The first day is from 8am to 2om that's more in chemistry environmental engineering and biochem. On the second day that's where the core subject chemical engineering principles. That’s from 8 am to 5 pm. And then the last day it’s just physics, math, engineering mechanics- all the general engineering subjects. That's 8 am to 2 pm so we don't really have a lunch breaks. You decide when you'll eat. Usually review centers give mock board exams so you can like try to imagine that you're already taking the board exam and that you know your body well.

Avic: Do you agree that chemical engineering seems to be the most difficult subject?

Angelica: I think all engineering subjects are hard. But of course I don't know and I can't really speak for other engineering courses. But for me it's really hard. I wouldn't have imagined if I didn't have any friends. I wouldn't know how to deal with it, not just academically but emotionally.

Avic: Tell us about that emotional roller coaster ride when it comes to chemical engineering.

Angelica:  It really is like a battle of your emotions. Sometimes you have a tendency to just give up. But if you think that “I can’t do it.” then you really can't do it if that's the mentality. But I think in college what really helped me was just thinking about “continue with what you're doing.” Maybe there's a miracle or something in the end. So it's really believing in yourself and believing in your capabilities. It’s believing that those small things now wherein you succeed in each day, for example those 30 minutes of you practicing a problem each day, then they add up in the end. You will realize then that you can do it. So that's really what helped me. And also you need friends to cheer you up because if you're just carrying all the emotions alone, it's really hard. You can only go through so much. Lastly, pray of course. We're very limited. Just knowing that we can't do everything and abandoning all the things that we can to God will really help release that pressure that we put in ourselves.

Avic: Was there a time that really you wanted to quit the course the degree, like just shift to another course.

Angelica: Oh yes, actually in my college experience I had a failing grade. I failed the subject so I had to retake it. If I didn't retake it, I would be delayed. So that was really a humbling. But it's also something that I’m very grateful for because it helped me to be more comfortable in failing. That's why when I was taking this board exam, I wasn't extremely pressured. Sometimes you can self-sabotage if you put too much pressure that you can hold everything in your hands or you can control everything. So when I was taking the board exam I was just grateful that I was able to take it after how many board exams that were delayed and just trying the best with what I can and knowing that I have no regrets in in the effort that I put into it.

Avic: Was the board exam delayed because of the pandemic? Is the exam given once a year and delayed for two years?

Angelica: Yes I graduated in 2020 actually so I was supposed to take it right after I graduated. because of the pandemic it got delayed. It's usually every May and every October so it got delayed twice and then it finally  the first board exam after the pandemic happened last year October. At the time I was already working so it was difficult to manage. So this is second board exam after the pandemic. I’m really grateful.

Avic: Would you have reviewed for two years for the board exam?

Angelica: For two years? Actually back then it was hard to concentrate because the board exams always would get delayed or canceled. Sometimes if you study too much, you would also forget it. I don't know, I’m that kind of person, I have a short term memory. But I guess that those months of reviewing also helped add up when I was able to take the board exam. It also helped then but I just didn't realize it.

Avic: Tell me more about this failing subject. How does it feel to fail a subject?

Angelica: Oh it's unimaginable. I didn't really see myself as like the top of the class or anything but we had a lot of failing scores. It was normal for us. We would laugh about it like in chemical engineering we usually get like a 40 out of 100 or like a 5 out of 100 in an exam. But I didn't imagine it would happen to me in a subject. At the time I also had a scholarship. I was a scholar   for a non-profit organization so I had to maintain my grade. A=And so when I found out that I failed, it was really saddening. But I’m grateful because my family never really pressured me. They were very supportive in my decision to retake it. So I retook it in the summer after and I was also very grateful because all the professors have been very encouraging with retakers -with me retaking it.

Avic: Can you tell us more about your family?
Angelica: I’m an only child. In my father's side I’m also the only grandchild so my going to PISAY and going to UP, living in a door ever since I was 12 was really hard for them. I feel like they just didn't let me notice it but it's hard to see your family only on the weekends in high school. And when I was in college I only see them twice a year so it helped me to be more independent, and to have more independence in my life. Of course we do keep in contact as much as possible. They've been really supportive, they never really pressured me actually to top the class or whatever. Sometimes it's really just me pressuring myself but yeah they're just very supportive.

Avic: About the other students in your high school and in college, did you also learn from their own experiences?
Angelica: In high school I felt like we were like a small family because we see each other every day, upon waking up and when you sleep at night. So basically I feel like we're a sort of a small community. So up until college they really serve as a good support system because we have our similar struggles of being away from family and of course the pressures that come with carrying the name of the school that we've been in. Of course when I was in high school there's a lot of pressure to pass in the board exam and to pass in UP. So it's great that we have each other at least to help ease those burdens and those pressures.

Avic: How many close friends do you have?

Angelica: I’m actually very introverted so lately I haven't been going to a lot of get-togethers with friends but I do have a few close friends with whom I share problems and my challenges.

Avic: What is that one thing that you have learned from that failing subject?

Angelica: So with regards to studying I guess versus to accept, to have that sense of acceptance in the vision that you have of yourself or the expectations that you put with yourself. The reality   as I said is really a humbling experience and it helped me instead of wallowing in that sadness. It’s important to release those emotions because we're humans after all. But it shouldn't define us, like failures shouldn't define it. It doesn't mean that you failed now that you're gonna fail forever or that it lessens your dignity as a person. But instead use it as a motivation for you, an opportunity for you to know what things you lack and what things you can improve on. As for me it's really giving more time to things that I have difficulty in asking help from people around me rather than keeping it all for myself. And lastly, to just abandon just really abandon everything that you can control and to grab the opportunity that I had. Well I was able to retake it thankfully enough so just grabbing the opportunities that you have to get back up amidst the failure.

Avic: Did it give you some trauma that probably in retaking the subject you might fail it again or you might fail other subjects? Did it give you that particular fear?

Angelica: Definitely sometimes I think about it but then I just shrug it off. There’s two sides of the coin. Sometimes I feel like I might fail again because it happens. So it's really something that is possible to happen. And then there's another side of the coin that's just oh I've been there and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. So I'll just keep going.

Avic: When you got the grade for that failing subject, how did it feel?

Angelica: We were computing with my friends because at the time you can compute it. I had an inkling that I was going to fail but when I really received the score I was actually in an outreach in Zambales. We were teaching maths to the Aeta community in Zambales so I found out there. I guess I was in the right place at the right time because even though I saw the grade officially on my screen, it wasn't really as bad because I felt that I’m still very blessed knowing that there are communities out there who are much less privileged than I am. And it made me feel that it's a small world and there is still a lot of hope left. I’m just grateful to be where I was because it helped me to see the larger picture of why I’m studying in the first place. It's not really for the glory, for the honors but for serving the people and just seeing the people around me the communities there was really eye-opener.

Avic: Can you describe more your experience with the Aeta community.

Angelica: We were teaching the children in Castillejos, Zambales. There are communities there   and the children there aren't able to go to school, some of them. And some of them are already in grade 3 but aren't able to read. Some of them are I think a bit dyslexic. Then they have trouble copying the words. Some of them already are in higher grades but aren't able to do the math. The level of math is not at par with what they are able to do.

Avic: How did you measure the impact of how you helped them?

Angelica: Well it's not really much to be honest. I feel like it wasn't that much, it's just five days but I feel like it changed me a lot. And I feel like we were able to do even a small thing. I hope that we're able to  give more hope to the students there. Some of them are still my Facebook friends, the adults in that Aeta community. They're like more of leaders in that area, teenagers.

Avic: What are your top three advice for students who would like to take chemical engineering?

Angelica: First, surround yourself with people who share the same goals as you know. In engineering I feel like you can't really survive alone. What I mean by that is we need encouragement, support and having a good support system with people who are also going through the same things as you go through. I think aside from the academic pressures that come with taking the course, it's really an emotional and mental battle as well. So surrounding yourself with like-minded people, having a good support system is extremely helpful. Second, develop good study habits. I used to not have a very good study habit. I would just study whenever, whatever. But developing a study habit that is accustomed to your personality, into your habits   is really helpful. It varies from person to person so just experiment on what your study style is. And third I guess to ask your professors for help. Don't be don't be shy to ask your classmates or your professors for help if you don't understand something. I know some people when I was in college would even sit in in another class to better understand the topic if they can't understand it in their own class yet. So just don't be afraid to ask help and to put an extra effort. It's not a shame to put more effort on to something. It's actually very admirable.

Avic: You mentioned earlier that you prayed. How can you explain prayer to someone who might not be used to praying, who's relying on one's talents.

Angelica: I guess prayer is just a conversation with just you and God. And it's just really a safe space for you to share your feelings. There's no shame in seeing your weaknesses. There's no shame in seeing your struggles. It really changes you. Of course when you pray the situation doesn't automatically go the way you want it to be but you become transformed to better understand why these things are happening.

Avic: Thank you very much, Angelica, and I wish you luck for all of your career plans. I hope that we meet in person someday.